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Face Mask

Face Mask

Mask the truth and muffle your voice with this fabric face mask. Ideal for ugly people with beautiful eyes, and those who love to breathe in their own carbon dioxide or smell their noxious breath.

Considered useless during the height of the pandemic, face masks are now mandatory fashion accessories. Features two loops to strap over ears and three layers of BS. Guaranteed 100% protection from public shaming, but not against the deadly virus. 

Side effects of facial coverings may include fogged-up glasses, headaches, hypoxia, smudged lipstick, sore ears and a weakened immune system. Besides fostering a false sense of security, face masks may also transform its wearer into a mouthless moral grandstander. Remember, we’re all in this together.


    • One Size fits all, except large segments of the community who suffer from asthma and other respiratory conditions.
    • Face masks can cause negative psychological impact on children and stunt their development.
    • Also not recommended for lip readers, people without ears and those who enjoy long baths.
    • The CDC recommends use of cotton or cloth face coverings in public to reduce community spread by asymptomatic persons.
    • The mask is not FDA-approved, not intended for medical use, and not proven to reduce the transmission of disease.

    “‘Dangerous’ to think masks will stop virus.”
    Anders Tegnell, State Epidemiologist, Sweden


    There’s no reason to be walking around with a mask. When you’re in the middle of an outbreak, wearing a mask might make people feel a little bit better and it might even block a droplet, but it’s not providing the perfect protection that people think that it is. And, often, there are unintended consequences — people keep fiddling with the mask and they keep touching their face.
    Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the NIAID (8 March 2020)


    If you do not have any respiratory symptoms such as fever, cough or runny nose, you do not need to wear a mask. Masks should only be used by health care workers, caretakers or by people who are sick with symptoms of fever and cough.
    WHO (March 2020)


    “Wear face masks at family Christmas parties to avoid Covid spike in 2021.”
    WHO (December 2020)


    “I want to make it be a symbol for people to see that that’s the kind of thing you should be doing.”
    – Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the NIAID, (27 May 2020)


    Wearing of coverings is a show of solidarity and a commitment to protect others.
    – Dr. Ronan Glynn, Deputy Chief Medical Officer, Ireland


    “The evidence suggests that wearing a face covering does not protect you, but it may protect others if you are infected but have not developed symptoms. … It is important to know that the evidence of the benefit of using a face covering to protect others is weak and the effect is likely to be small.”
    UK Government


    “We've all turned from normal humans into muzzled masochists!”
    – Peter Hitchens


    “The pore size of cloth face coverings range from ~ 20-100 microns. The Covid virus is 200-1000x smaller than that, at 0.1 microns.”
    – Dr. Simone Gold


    “It used to be quite normal to have quite a few drinks and drive home, and it also used to be normal to drive without seatbelts. Today both of those would be considered antisocial, and not wearing face coverings in public should be regarded in the same way.”
    Dr Ramakrishnan, President of the Royal Society


    “From a medical perspective there is no proven effectiveness of masks.”
    – Tamara van Ark, Minister for Medical Care, The Netherlands


    “Pointless! … you don’t have to put it on if you’re eating.”
    – Noel Gallagher


    “Wearing masks in the community does not significantly reduce the rates of infection.”
    – Prof Carl Heneghan & Tom Jefferson, The Spectator


    “Germany weighs up mandatory FFP2 masks in shops and on transport.”
    – Philip Oltermann, Guardian


    “Wear two masks!“

€ 4,95Price
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